Errors? Not so much.

An article on People.com got quite a buzz in the circles I follow – originally when it was posted on the virtual eve of the release of the Fifty Shades movie, and again yesterday, when it popped up a couple times in my Facebook feed. Authors and readers alike were posting it, commenting on it, and, well, squinting at it quite a bit.

For those who didn’t read the article, it was a numbered list of the most common grammatical errors [per Grammarly] found in E.L. James massively successful [“best-selling” doesn’t quite cut it] Fifty Shades of Grey. I read the book, but didn’t read the subsequent novels, as I rather liked the way the inaugural book ended.

Because most who know me are aware that I can be a bit pedantic in formal-style issues, I thought I’d share my thoughts on People’s list.

Disclaimer of sorts: I know the People.com article was not intended as an attack on Ms. James' work. It was a topical piece at a topical moment. Even where inaccurate, the article has some decent advice that every writer and author should consider. For its part, Grammarly is a useful tool for flagging possible issues in one's writing. In light of those known facts, I, in turn, want to have fun with the results.

Remember – these are alleged grammatical errors. Period. So, let’s start with a definition, courtesy of my well-worn Oxford English Dictionary:


grammar The branch of language study or linguistics which deals with the means of showing the relation between words as used in speech or writing, traditionally divided into the study of inflection (or morphology) and of the structure of sentences (syntax), and often also including phonology (see also linguistics). [OED]

What doesn’t that definition cite as part of grammar? Punctuation, just for one [sort of a rough a priori: punctuation is not a part of speech, but grammar is, so punctuation is not part of grammar]. Mechanics, for another. I’m just noting that before we get into it.

Now, on to the list! [So excited! I'll tally a score at the end of each section – in a completely subjective fashion.]

People.com Grammatical Error #1: Punctuation Errors in Complex Sentences
Before we go further, this is not a grammatical error. It is an error in punctuation, as was indeed noted. So shouldn’t have been on the list. Let’s look at it, though. [“Yes, Roberta! Let’s!”]

FSoG sample citation: "Oh my. My heartbeat picks up again, this feels so... so good."

In fact, the error is a comma splice [not specified in the article], so named as it’s the splicing together of two independent clauses with a comma. The advice – which was correct – was that the comma should more appropriately be a semicolon [though they spelled it semi-colon; to each their own]. I used to use many semicolons, but I use fewer now [that last one in exemplum]. I prefer to have a full stop [period] or a conjunction. [In interests of fairness, comma splices drive me wild. I hate them. Probably used to use them.]

Scoring:
For identifying a grammatical error [punishment; no zeros awarded in this category]: -1
For identifying a [different sort of] error: 1
For good advice: 1
Score: 1
Running total: 1

People.com Grammatical Error #2: Comma Misuse
Again, not a grammatical error. So shouldn’t have been on the list.

FSoG sample citation: "I open my eyes, and for a moment, I'm tranquil and serene, enjoying the strange unfamiliar surroundings. I have no idea where I am."

The advice – again correct – was that a comma should have followed “strange”. The reason for that [not given in the article] is that “strange” and “unfamiliar” are both adjectives modifying “surroundings”. Therefore, a comma separates the separate [haha! there's a mnemonic for you!] ideas. [For those who think “strange” and “unfamiliar” are synonymous and therefore redundant, you are wrong.]

Scoring:
For identifying a grammatical error: -1
For identifying a [different sort of] error: 1
For good advice: 1
Score: 1
Running total: 2 

People.com Grammatical Error #3: Wordiness
Again, not a grammatical error. So shouldn’t have been on the list. It is a matter of style, and style is a matter of taste. Whether you like it or loathe it, it is wholly discretionary. [Should you like excellent examples of wordiness, I highly recommend cracking the spine on anything written by Melville or Hugo.]

FSoG sample citation: "He's so passionate, mesmerizing. This is obviously his obsession, the way he is... I can't take my eyes off him. He really, really wants this. He stops talking and gazes at me."

The upshot of the advice [they didn't mention the comma splice!] was to remove one of the “really”s. While I don’t argue with that too hard, FSoG was written in first person, and the narrative voice is Ana’s. I really, really think the emphatic repetition suited the character.

Scoring:
For identifying a grammatical error: -1
For identifying a [different sort of] error: 0
For good advice [I'll give it to them]: 1
Score: 0
Running total: 2

People.com Grammatical Error #4: Colloquialisms
Again, not a grammatical error. So shouldn’t have been on the list. It is a matter of style, and style is a matter of taste.
[Didn't I just write that a couple minutes ago? Could’ve sworn . . .]

The article concedes that it’s a style issue. My – well, not argument – but slight dismissiveness of it, is the sample chosen to represent this “error” [not an error, remember!].

FSoG sample citation: "I open my eyes, and I'm draped in Christian Grey. He's wrapped around me like a victory flag."

I thought the complaint was going to be “victory flag”. It wasn’t. It was “I’m”. A contraction. [Erm . . . *not sure where to look* . . . Um.]  For examples of real colloquialisms that can be problematic, might I suggest Joyce or Runyan? Or maybe this blog post?

Scoring:
For identifying a grammatical error: -1
For identifying a [different sort of] error: 0
For good advice: 0
Score: -1
Running total: 1 

People.com Grammatical Error #5: Accidentally Confused Words
Ah! An actual grammatical error! [*high-fives the Internet*] "Accidentally confused words" is indeed about syntax and how words relate to each other. Also known as malapropisms.

I love malapropisms! [Maybe "I hard malapropisms"? ;) ] They make me laugh. I work hard to keep them out of my writing [because they are really bad!], but recently a reader caught “illicit” where I meant “elicit”, and once upon a time, another reader caught “palatable” where I meant “palpable”. I laughed a lot at myself – but fixed those puppies right away.

My favourite and often-seen malapropisms:
elude/allude [avoid/imply]
affect/effect [verb: influence / noun: result]
consecutive/concurrent [successive/simultaneous]
bridle/bridal [noun: tack for horse / adjective: relating to a bride (okay, no snickering – or nickering)]
rein/rain/reign [part of a bridle (not "bridal") / water from the sky / rule]
regimen/regime/regiment [schedule/establishment / military unit]

But back to the People.com article . . .

FSoG sample citation: "She doesn't think to question my explanation, because I am one of the most un-coordinated people in Washington State."

The “caught” error was the hyphenated “un-coordinated”. ... Huh? At worst, it’s a spelling error. It’s not an “accidentally confused word”. It's not a malapropism.

For examples of malapropisms at their best, I recommend Sheridan's The Rivals, wherein you'll find the archetypal Mrs. Malaprop [though her malapropisms are used to deliberate comedic effect]. Or select Yogi Berra quotes.

Scoring:
For identifying a grammatical error: -1
For identifying a [different sort of] error [I'm not giving it to them!]: 0
For good advice: 0
Score: -1
Running total: 0 

People.com Grammatical Error #6: Sentence Fragments
I’m going to concede that sentence fragments are grammatical errors, as they affect syntax and how words relate to each other. However, it is mostly a style choice many authors employ, and can be used to great effect [not affect! ;) ], at least in fiction. In a medical journal or poli-sci piece, you're going to want to avoid them. 

FSoG sample citation: "Do you really feel like this or do you think you ought to feel like this? Two very different things."

I have zero problems with that, structurally at least. Yes, it’s an error. Do I think it works? Yep. Sure do.
Best. Fragment. Ever! [Well, no, but . . .]

Scoring:
For identifying a grammatical error: 1
For identifying a [different sort of] error: 0
For good advice [I'm on the fence, but . . . nope]: 0
Score: 1
Running total: 1 

People.com Grammatical Error #7: Determiners
The word I would have chosen over “determiners” would have been “articles” – direct article “the”, and indirect articles “a” and “an”. Leaving articles out is not necessarily a grammatical error, depending on the context.

FSoG sample citation: "I still prefer my title to yours, in so many different ways. It is lucky that I am master of my own destiny and no one castigates me."

The [People.com ;) ] article suggested adding “the” before “master”. I’m assuming the writer hadn’t heard of a little ’90s sitcom called Seinfeld and the most famous episode of its – or any other TV show’s – run: The Contest.

That aside, dropping articles can make for far tighter and more compact narrative. Grammatical error? Only if the article is absolutely necessary for clarity.

Scoring:
For identifying a grammatical error [sure, okay]: 1
For identifying a [different sort of] error: 0
For good advice: 0
Score: 1
Running total: 2 

People.com Grammatical Error #8: Prepositions
Yep, preposition use is grammatical.

FSoG sample citation: "Please him! He wants me to please him! I think my mouth drops open. Please Christian Grey. And I realize, in that moment, that yes, that's exactly what I want to do. I want him to be damned delighted with me. It's a revelation."

The suggested edit was to change “in that moment” to “at that moment”. I concede that “at” specifies a particular time, and “in”, an unspecified time. But when I read the FSoG passage, I took it subtextually as Ana being “in the moment”. Should I care more about the grammar? Possibly. Maybe I’m not really in the moment at this moment.

Scoring:
For identifying a grammatical error: 1
For identifying a [different sort of] error: 0
For good advice [yes, they get it, for sheer subtly – kudos!]: 1
Score: 2
Running total: 4 

People.com Grammatical Error #9: Passive voice
Okay, that one made me laugh a bit. First, the article did concede that it is a style issue – not a grammatical error – to employ passive voice. [So shouldn’t have been on the list!] But wait! There's more!

Aside first: I do not like passive voice – even in casual conversation, I don’t use it. It’s a personality thing [or so my friends tell me]. While it has its uses [which I’ve likely exploited], I agree that it weakens drama and comedy alike, faster than anything else.

FSoG sample citation: "He is totally beguiling, and I'm bewitched. I place my hand in his."

So that was where I started laughing. That is not an example of passive voice. “I’m bewitched” is a simple declarative statement. [The suggested change: “he has bewitched me”. Um . . .] The cited sample does walk a thin line, though. Had it read, “I’m bewitched by him,” then it would have been passive voice. Since it began with “he” as the subject, changing it to “I” created a problem through the presumed “by him”. However, maybe there are other things at that moment that influenced Ana, and it is not solely the beguiling Christian who caused her bewitchery. Thus, it’s a simple declarative. For the sake of clarity, perhaps it should have been two separate sentences: “He is totally beguiling. I’m bewitched.” Or [presupposing Christian as sole cause], one sentence: “He is totally beguiling and bewitches me.” Or better: "He totally beguiles and bewitches me." [Tip! Just like my last example, removing forms of "to be", where used in conjunction with other verbs, tightens your prose. And if there's a preposition near your "to be", you're in passive territory, so step carefully!]

But still, not passive. Not an error.

For more about passive voice – and indeed, much helpful advice on writing – I recommend Orwell’s essay, Politics and the English Language, the text of which can be found here. It is marvellously relevant, though written 70 years ago. Also, Orwell’s conclusions are – or should be – at least vaguely familiar to every writer and author. I guarantee you've heard them, even if you didn't know the source.

Scoring:
For identifying a grammatical error [they should lose double for the incorrect example]: -1
For identifying a [different sort of] error: 0
For good advice: 0
Score: -1
Final total: 3 out of a possible 27

Yay! We're through it! \o/
All that written [or said, as many might write], the People.com article entertained me. Started a whole whack of conversation. And reminded me that I should never read comments on controversial articles, since many of them were quite ugly, both for and against. Ms. James wrote a trilogy that changed much of how we view publishing, sex, and fandom. Whether a fan of her work or not, one must give her kudos. I, for one, wish her nothing but the best in all things, and offer my most sincere congratulations.

Should you wish to sample Ms. James’ books for yourself, they can be purchased on Amazon, and are listed on her Author Page.

Should you wish to sample my novels and find all my grammatical, punctuation, and mechanical errors [and report back with scathing criticism so that we can discuss], you can find them on Amazon or, for other retailer buy links, on my WordPress page.

My romantic-comedy suspense, Famous Penultimate Words, is now available in ebook format, and will be available in print soon. Look! Here's the PB cover [so you'll know I'm not lying]!